Aloneness allows nakedness

Ah Spring...Time for life renewable. Time for new resolve and self-support. Sitting outside the shower, dried and pantied, I rest and feel the mountain chill surrounding my flesh. Moderated vulnerability, with the blinds partly opened, the furnace thermostat set at sixty with piloerection sweeping over me from time to time, I pause to decide whether life will stop or continue. Today it will continue.

The choices one makes to become open - really open to another is a hopeful move.

"Here, see my heart. See this secret." Then one moves this piece of one's life closer to the other in open, outstretched hand. "You may have this to keep. It is a most tender treasure that is generally kept in a very deep and protected place, but you may have it so that you will be assured that I love and trust you with...me. If you wish to look into this fortress, you have but to ask and I will open the doors wider for you."

Year after year and decade upon decade the offerings are made and received by the other. They are saved and they are used. The treasures are taken out and before this face and are slapped and dropped and pissed on and thrown out as though they do not even exist or even worse, as though they are lies. But noooo....this is me, I am real and I love openly and deeply. I show you that it is possible to love and trust and not die in the process.

But year after year and decade upon decade death can creep up and begin to cover those thrown away pieces of self. Year after year one can begin to dissipate. Decade upon decade one can begin to dissolve. Alas, there is a time to leave before death envelopes, before complete dissolution of self becomes the reality. Then for that joining there is utter hopelessness and death of that once hoped for joyous loving union.

At the closed gate, locked firmly now against that care-less partner, one bids a final good bye and forgets that hopeful truth which, in fact was naught but lies. Turning from that now the clothing drops once again and passing one and then the other I seek recognition of soul from another soul who knows what a treasure is when he sees it and who has his fortress door ajar.