I have my daughter back for a few days after she found that the Chicago adventure was not what had been hoped for. Risks we take in making our lives livable cannot be helped. Moving forward always in order to create challenges for ourselves are essential for the intelligent and dynamic beings. Diana risks in travel and relationships and I risk in my own areas of living based upon my life experiences and time upon this planet.
I prefer not at all to be a contingency plan for anyone, but a definate. Someone to be realized, understood, enjoyed and planned for. I suppose I continue to meet and expose myself to people in order to find such another whom I can see and experience as well. Until then I risk self...I open and give in order to find the look of realization in someone's eye...one who may see me as a book to become co-author, and not just a disposable pen with which to write a small chapter.
Wednesday, July 27, 2005
Monday, July 18, 2005
Touching base rather firmly
I tried to post something after working on it off and on for awhile and lost it, so I had to walk away from it until the muse returned to sit on my shoulder again.
My daughter is now so far from me that we will be unable to pop out for dinner, a lunch, a movie or the rare shopping trip. In fact I have no social support on this lovely mountain at all. One may wonder why that is, after 16 years living in a place I have no one to call friend. Well, partly it is due to the fact that when one is married, one makes friends....together. Then there is divorce. People do not always know what to do with half of a friendship. They are either compelled to ask about the "sore" subject and deal with either the lack of response or too much of a story that they would rather not hear about the other half that they knew of as friend. Another little difficulty is that when my "other half" left the mountain he left behind, apparently, a legacy of lies. I was slandered in my community and because he was the the visible and larger than life personality and I was the quiet support behind the "star" he was believed. In fact I am convinced by his responses post departure, that he believed his own lies as well.
I have choices, to be sure. We always have choices to make. One I have made is to move from here by this time next year. I will spend the upcoming months driving about, looking for what is available, in my mental health care field, in areas that I feel will afford me a society that I prefer and yet not move too far from my mother, who will soon be needing my help due to age and level of frailty.
Until then I work.
My daughter is now so far from me that we will be unable to pop out for dinner, a lunch, a movie or the rare shopping trip. In fact I have no social support on this lovely mountain at all. One may wonder why that is, after 16 years living in a place I have no one to call friend. Well, partly it is due to the fact that when one is married, one makes friends....together. Then there is divorce. People do not always know what to do with half of a friendship. They are either compelled to ask about the "sore" subject and deal with either the lack of response or too much of a story that they would rather not hear about the other half that they knew of as friend. Another little difficulty is that when my "other half" left the mountain he left behind, apparently, a legacy of lies. I was slandered in my community and because he was the the visible and larger than life personality and I was the quiet support behind the "star" he was believed. In fact I am convinced by his responses post departure, that he believed his own lies as well.
I have choices, to be sure. We always have choices to make. One I have made is to move from here by this time next year. I will spend the upcoming months driving about, looking for what is available, in my mental health care field, in areas that I feel will afford me a society that I prefer and yet not move too far from my mother, who will soon be needing my help due to age and level of frailty.
Until then I work.
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