Unconscious writing

I was talking to a friend who has some small knowledge of graphology, I believe it is, the study of handwriting analysis. Though he indicates that I have my times of flamboyance, with my loops being slightly larger than life, he also states that the lead into my "M" indicates that I drag the past with me. Of course I had to agree. Twenty years of childhood/adolescence/young adulthood and then...Thirty-two years a partner and then a mother, for an identity. I make every effort to glean that which I made good in those thirty years because those who shared it with me have gone from the majority of my life and I must live with what I have made.

(to be added to later...am off to work)

Self respect - to protect

For some it is difficult to reach a level of self respect where one would admit the need to protect onesself from the insensitivities of loved ones. Over and over one can be pained and disrespected by others whose love has been proclaimed and then trespassed again and again. At what point does one say, " Enough!" and set a clear boundary. At what point do simple apologies and lack of repentance become inadequate? It would be at that point where hope leaves and frank realization occurs that respect from those persons may never be forthcoming. It is at the point where the other holds an arrogance of their own "rightness" in such esteem that acceptance and consideration of differences cannot cohabit. It is from such a cavalier attitude that this one protects herself. When allies are distant and nurturance comes only from self and Creator, on one's less traveled path, one must, for a time, withdraw from those whose focus is their own impulsive desires.

Risky Business

I have my daughter back for a few days after she found that the Chicago adventure was not what had been hoped for. Risks we take in making our lives livable cannot be helped. Moving forward always in order to create challenges for ourselves are essential for the intelligent and dynamic beings. Diana risks in travel and relationships and I risk in my own areas of living based upon my life experiences and time upon this planet.

I prefer not at all to be a contingency plan for anyone, but a definate. Someone to be realized, understood, enjoyed and planned for. I suppose I continue to meet and expose myself to people in order to find such another whom I can see and experience as well. Until then I risk self...I open and give in order to find the look of realization in someone's eye...one who may see me as a book to become co-author, and not just a disposable pen with which to write a small chapter.